never ever mess with a woman!
Friday, August 15, 2008 @ 12:51:00 AM
enjoy!
highlighted it in blue cause i love it!
and enlarged the font size a little :D
click here!
if it doesn't load,
it is ok!
i have it down there!!
UP FOR AUCTION�ARE
ONE EMPTY ANSELL CONDOM PACKET (SIZE small)�
AND A�PHOTO OF�THE PAIR OF��
'THE TART'S' �BLACK LACEY KNICKERS (SIZE HUMONGOUS)
IT SEEMS�I HAD VIOLATED EBAY'S SECONDHAND CLOTHES POLICY BY OFFERING 'THE TART'S' (HER NAME'S KYLIE i HAVE SINCE FOUND OUT) ACTUAL KNICKERS�UP FOR AUCTION PREVIOUSLY
I CAN ONLY NOW�OFFER A PHOTO OF THE SAID�KNICKERS AND HAVE ADJUSTED THE STARTING PRICE ACCORDINGLY........ PERSONALLY, I DID THINK .99c WAS A BIT AMBITIOUS BUT, AS THEY ARE SO HUGE, I THOUGHT THEY MAY MAKE SOMEONE A NICE SHAWL OR EVEN BETTER, �SOMETHING FOR HALLOWEEN PERHAPS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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SO HERE'S THE STORY SO FAR.........
Once upon a time there was a women who, after 22 years of marriage, found�evidence that�the soon to be ex-husband, had had 'The Tart' in their marital bed�this very afternoon.� This low life deceitful son-of-a-person ( I'm all for political correctness) blatently denied that this event�took place�even though the evidence�is irrefutable and is now up for auction on e-bay.
The first tiny warning bells�started ringing�around about�the same time a text message was received by the wife stating 'Where are you darling, I'm waiting'.� As the wife had left the soon to be�ex-husband at home�only a couple of�hours earlier to go to work, she thought it somewhat strange getting a message of that ilk from him.�After a while curiosity got the better of her and with some trepidation, she decided to go home after telling her boss she had an upset stomach, which was no lie.� When she arrived home an hour or so later, everything seemed�normal�but she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right.�� His car was parked in the drive-way where she had seen it earlier on and when she got inside, there he was infront of the T.V. watching a DVD as usual.� She explained�she wasn't feeling too well and said she was going�to lie down for a while. His re-action to this was a bit odd to say the least. 'Why don't you lie down here on the couch for a while and I'll get you a cup of tea', he said.�That was her first clue that something really was amiss here. Call�him chauvinistic if you�want and you would be right�because this�low-life had never made her a cup of tea in over 22 years of marriage.... so why�offer now.� Yep, you guessed it, he didn't want her going into the bedroom.... now why was that you may ask.� She concluded later that 'The 'Tart'�must have been�in the process of getting her ass dressed and out of there pronto when�she had unexpectedly arrived home. �Of course she made a bee line for the bedroom then, with soon to be ex-hubby on her heels and apart from an unmistakable aroma of some cheap perfume�resembling nail polish remover�hanging in the air, nothing seemed to be different - except for one thing.� �Oh, you men, you will never understand why we have those, annoying to you though they may be, throw pillows and cushions on a bed and what they mean to us women.� They are aesthetically important to�our decor�and when you see�them piled up on a chair in�a corner of the room, instead of on the bed where you arranged them a few hours ago,�those tiny warning bells you heard earlier were�now starting to�sound like 'Big Ben'.� Walking over to the bed,�she started slowly taking�it apart whilst�the soon to be ex-husband stood in the doorway watching.� Initially, when she first took�the doona cover off, she was sure he just thought she was going to have a lie down but he was oh so very wrong.� After the doona was deposited on the floor, she picked up her pillow, turned it over, checked under where it had been and then threw it on the floor.� Then came his pillow, she picked it up and here was where she found the first of the two items up for auction -�an empty condom packet.� With forefinger and thumb, it was gently lifted�from the bed and dangled in front of�the soon to be ex-husband's nose.� He had, by then, turned a�lovely shade of red and you could see his mind was racing,... 'how the hell am I going to get out of this'.� He then said the only inane thing he could come up with at the time which was, 'What's that?'.�As a couple, they had not used condoms for many years, or at least she hadn't,�but surely that didn't mean he could have forgotten what one looked like!� For some reason, she continued to strip the bed and when the top sheet was�removed the location of the 2nd item up for auction, 'The Tart's' knickers, were discovered at the foot of the bed.�
Explanations were�needed pronto�and would you beleive it, he actually came up with some.� They were all a pack of lies and instead of admitting it, apologizing and starting to grovel, this is what he came up with.� 'I dropped my phone down the toilet, I didn't want to put my hands down there and I could't get it out with the toilet brush so I used�a condom because I couldn't find�any rubber gloves'.� Well, well, well, that was thinking on your feet eh!� She thought she had heard it all now but figured she would see how big a hole he really was�keen to dig for himself so she then asked.�' When was that then and�where did you get the condom from?'.� He replied, 'It happened just after you left for work and I rummaged around and found one in the�pocket of an old jacket in the wardrobe'. 'So how is your phone then, is�it working?' she asked...� 'No, it's stuffed', he replied. 'So how do you explain sending me a text�message a couple of hours after I was at work then'.� 'What message? It wasn't from me, my phone's not working', he replied but�noticed he�had gone a funny shade of green as it began to sink in that he had actually sent the text to her by mistake.�'What about these knickers then, what are they doing in our bed and whose are they', she asked thinking to herself, this will be good.� She wasn't disappointed, as blatant as lies go, it was a classic.� 'Sorry love, I've been meaning to tell you for years but I am a closet transvestite and they are mine'.�
10 out of 10 for trying buddy but your out of here........� systematically his clothes were gathered up and thrown out the front door along with�'The 'Tart's' knickers which, after second thoughts, were scooped up and retrieved.� YES, there really is a God for�it started to rain then.��Not just that fine rain which gets on your damn nerves but bucket loads of�torrential rain which�the soon to be ex-husband found himself standing in�whilst calling the soon to be ex-missus all the names under the sun. He�was gathering�up his wet soggy clothes and�the photo she had thrown at him of them outside the church on their wedding day (she thought that maybe a nice touch) when�he screamed out for his car keys and wallet. Off she went to get them and with no hesitation, handed them over and told�him to get lost in no uncertain terms then watched as he drove away.� Dangling in her hand was the key she had slipped off his keyring, to the soon to be ex-husband's 'Harley Hog', his pride and joy - which�brings me nicely to the next item�that will probably be sold on�Ebay at a start price of.99c and of course, with no�reserve!�
AND THATS THE STORY SO FAR......� HAPPY BIDDING
SELLERS TERMS AND CONDITIONS
PAYMENT WITHIN 24 HOURS FROM END OF AUCTION VIA PAYPAL (OR MONEY ORDER WITHIN AUSTRALIA) AND IN AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS ONLY PLEASE�
WORLDWIDE POSTAGE AND HANDLING $2.00AU
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Labels: random, ranty rant rants