i wonder how people survive with such weather. one thing i know is that i could not survive in such weather. i am currently dying to get back to Ipoh so i can hibernate there. urgh. weather, air and whatnot, Ipoh would be much and way better in comparison. life in KL is too fast for me. i need a break. i thought i had gotten used to it by now but heck. it seems to be even faster now. urgh.

so far my schedule has been damn packed!

15 & 16/8 - MTV World Stage and Eason Chan Moving on Stage 26
22 - 24/8 - going back to Ipoh for a) bf's grandma's birthday and b) my transformation!
28 - 31/8 - Singaporeeeeee!
04 - 06/9 - going back to Ipoh
and semester starts on 08/9

counting down till those days oh and also 24/8! right now, i will have to prepare myself mentally and physically for 2 very hectic days, MTV World Stage and Eason Chan Moving on Stage 26.

Labels: random, ranty rant rants, tired, work

yes i know it has been some time since i blogged. i did not even update effguide >.< feeling very guilty now. since i am quite free today, i am going to update eff! a short post on something, which i have yet to figure!

i have been quite obsessed with lollipops nowadays. have to and must control self! haha! i had no idea but my cravings are hitting me like typhoon! urgh.

my hatred towards someone is increasing day by day. damnit. that's it la. my zen and my coolness is gone! aih. nevermind. 14 more days in Lagoon and i am gone. 14 days which does not include AiFM concert (8/8), MTV World Stage (15/8) and Eason Chan concert (16/8). if i add those on, it would be 17 days ;( i don't like to make myself sad.

oh, did i mention that i got a Twitter account? sadly, it is only opened to people whom i know and trust! it is private!

Labels: sleepy, tired, work

if everything goes as well as i plan, then my birthday should be my last day :) i really wish nothing goes wrong! i am really looking forward for it :D

well, it is not that internship-ing here is bad but it is just that the politics are a bit too much for me to handle. heh. i am not a very political person but heck, i have been doing fine so far. i just, well, push it away :D so it is only one person complaining. haha! long story :D save it fro another day. that is if i feel like typing it out. prolly i would just leave her that tiny bit of face.

this Wednesday marks our 3 years together. haha! it is funny how fast time flies pass us. it definitely did not feel that long and yesterday feels like the first day i met you :) in fact, every yesterdays feels like the first day i met you. or maybe the Hawker Night in my church. all those evening walks at that field. our Sunday morning walks and breakfast. things that we did last time. how much it changes!

Labels: random, tired, work

it is funny sometimes how you determine to be strong but yet at the same time you feel weak? that is how i felt sometimes. i have the strength to go on but at the end of that strength, i feel very weak. and that weakness at that end of the strength sometimes does overcloud my strength. iono but it feels nice to know that there is someone to be the strength of your weakness. ahh. i am lost for words.

recently many things happened. good, bad, sad and happy. well, i should be thankful that all the unhappy events are turned into happy events. more or less happy. i had nothing much to type lately ;P and i started playing farmville on fb >.< ahh. the boredom of office hours!

Labels: random, tired, work

i have seen how people change. i have seen how good people turned mean. i have seen how best friends becomes enemy. what i don't want to see the most is that my friends are going against each other.

there are many things in life that we face everyday. it is like turbulence to an airplane. i call these bends. bends of the journey of life. family issues, educations, friendships, pressures. which of these we do not face at least once in our life time?

i know. words are easier said than done but believe me, i have been there several of times and i know how much it hurts. but at the end of the day, it is our strength that makes the difference. it is out strength that keeps us walking on. it is our strength that hold us up no matter what falls on us.

where do the strength comes from? from yourself. if you believe that you could, you would. believe in yourself. trust yourself. no problems come without a solution. no roads shows an end without the beginning. we have to keep on trying. never give up on anything. i wonder if this makes sense; never give up on nothing.

honestly, i know most people have been through more than i did. i am really thankful that when all these happened on me, my mom was there for me. in fact, she still is here for me.

Labels: random, ranty rant rants, tired, work

i can't escape its grasp
the more i think, the worse it gets
i try to get away, try to lose it all
then why do i feel this way?
giving up would be so easy
but always they say
the best things in life are worth working for
why? cant something good come easy
and take away this feeling
frustration, anger, jealousy, confusion
all these happening together
what can i say? its horrible
i feel the burning in my chest
the frustration inside

i am getting more and more frustrated as days passing by. i am beginning to lose my temper like a nonstop firing machine gun. source of these? i had no idea. i wish i am superhuman sometimes. so that all worries and troubles could be solve with just a click! how i wish!

on the other hand, i have been super tremendously sleepy these few days! last night i slept while watching tv halfway! and i woke up late this morning! if not because of my stomachache, i would have continue sleeping on. anyways, i am glad it is Friday today!

i suggested for a small trip for tomorrow :) a trip to Malacca. take it as a treat for my stress as well as for my mom. i know she has been dying to do these! so, why not? haha. since i have already enjoyed myself in Ipoh with a bunch of friends, so now it is her turn!

कभी ख़ुशी कभी ग़म (Sometimes Happiness, Sometimes Sadness)
i have been keeping a lot in myself,
i wonder if i release it all one day,
what would happen?

Labels: emotionally unstable, ranty rant rants, tired, work

objections objections objections. that is the only thing i have been hearing and feeling for the past few days, correction, weeks. for once, if there is an objection to anything, would you please kindly come up with a solution for me too? right now i need no objections. i need solutions, i need a way, i need a bloody damn road. i am starting to get tired of these. i have been fighting for it and yet, no one is helping me at all. whenever i found a solution and scanned through the consequences, i realize that i have to endure all those might happens and possible future incident. to succeed in something is to endure the hardship.

i know that those objections are meant for my own good but since it has come to the state of objection, where is the solution? or what are your suggestions to fend off to my bad choice of ideas? at first i was thinking, why is everyone going against me? why can't for once they just let me be me. then it came across that the problem lies in me. i have been too picky and maybe it is right that i does not want to open to choices.

you see, i have been thinking a lot too. tons and tons of what ifs. i had no idea how tired i was. i never knew thinking was that tough and it is taking its toll on me. i am so lethargic during the day time. i spend most of my time thinking and nothing but thinking. honestly, is there anyone out there willing to think for me too?

and when things started falling apart, that is when i lost hold of faith.

Labels: emotionally unstable, ranty rant rants, tired, work

fairy tales. do they exist or it is just another bedtime story or a make believe kind of thing? fairies. does fairies really exist? or is it just that we human are so imperfect that we dream of something that make us feel so perfect? fairy godmothers. will they come if i call? do i even have one to start off with? we human make things to believe hoping that it would come true one day. are we so naive that we are so wiling to live in a world that does not exist?

if i could, i would like to live in a world that i believe in. a world where things are easy going, no stress, no backstabbing, rainbows everywhere, smiles and laughter heard all day long, a world that is so surreal that it doesn't even exist unless i try sleeping now and yeah la.

i think we are going pretty strong. though there were a lot of obstacles and challenges but we are still going strong. i am very thankful for that. on and off we would hurt each others feelings. in and out we would feel anger and sad. still, at the end of the day, we would look for each other up and down. this is what makes us so strong.

in a separate note, i have been feeling damn thankful for the past few days. people that i love and appreciate that they exist. that they are here with me. really really thankful.

hello darkness, my old friend, i've come to talk with you again because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while i was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

Labels: emotionally unstable, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

yeah i know i have been a bum for not updating. when things were going at an exhilarating speed, i wished that it would be slower so i could enjoy every moment out of it. but when things decided to go at billions of notch below slow speed, i wished that it would pass by like the speed of light.

went back to Ipoh on Thursday night with a bunch of wacko friends. honestly, these people are people i am very grateful for! life is a million times better when you have friends that doesn't beat around the bush with you and tells you straight up if they find you are annoying/ irritating/ anything possible. these bunch of people are the ones that makes you feel that life is not just another roller coaster ride. they put speed bums when things are going to fast and they put nitrous oxide when things are going too slow. these people are not just any ordinary bunch of wackos you see at the side of the street. they are abnormal bunch of wackos, so much incomparable to Superman, Batman, Ultraman and Spenderman! SAPADEM!

talking about my trip back to Ipoh, i came back with a handful "souvenirs". i got nice big scratches near the ankle of my right leg, a torn sweat pants (not really torn, a hole near the knee cap more likely), a very tired body due the the lack of sleep and also fears. fears that i don't feel like mentioning. that i would rather keep it inside me.

right now, everything seemed to be moving into plan B. i fear that plan B might not even be working. i don't have a plan C. i don't even know what my plan C should be. so for now, just pray that plan B really works out or i will have to...no. i will MAKE plan B happen! no rooms for failure this time.

looking forward to 28th August. 44 more days. forty-four.

note to self - it is ok to cry once in a while. just cry for the right reason.

Labels: emotionally unstable, life, mess not, random, ranty rant rants, tired, work

i can't wait for tonight! HAHA. it is going to be fun fun fun! a trip to my hometown but with a bunch of wacky friends! nothing much happened lately. well, ahh. keep that for another time. this is just another short update anyway :) to keep my blog alive though.

Labels: estacyly happy, random, ranty rant rants, work

so it has been 1 month since i changed department. seriously, this department is a love hate kind of thing. well anyway, been hearing news that my lecturer has been going around visiting everyone. soon it is going to be my turn. i have nothing much to say though. it is kinda fun working here but the stress level is super high!

yesterday was Jeric's last day. he is an IT intern, from SunUni also! kinda sad cause now it is like one friend missing. RAWR. but then it is also a relief that it was his last day yesterday. he has been living in hell since his internship here. well, all that i can say is that he has become more and more professional in playing hide and seek!

for the past few days, there has been many decision makings that has to be done. decisions that delaying is not a reason. some personal related and some future related. future related decision making are almost nearly done but the personal related ones are a tad bit difficult. in any case, let time take its pace.

oh did i mention that i am the first in office today? HOORAY?!

Labels: emotionally unstable, estacyly happy, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

so Akon concert is post-poned till October 24. reason being is that he got family matter. once we (we as in the people in the department) read this, we instantly know that it is not true! and the truth is - like we would know! anyhow, Eason Chan's press conference will still be going on as usual on that day.

AHH. i can't wait to go Singapore and Melbourne ;)

Labels: random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

RAWR! i am so frustrated! i am on the phone with a client. client was asking about the area and so on cause they wanted to do a showcase. then, she has to tap on my shoulder to do something that she herself can do! of course i asked her to wait! then she don't like. wthhhhhhhh. then she tapped me again (still on the phone) after that and gave me a stare. SO I STARED BACK! OI FATTY. WALK LITLE BIT CANNOT DIE ONE OK?!

Labels: emotionally unstable, work

today smells bad. opened the door and ugh! TERRIBLE! nevertheless, i rained yesterday, somewhere sometime during the night cause the floor outside was wet? haha.

the pc in my work place is slowwww and it is Pentium 4 >.< gak gak gak! old monitor and yada yada mada. no DVD Rom some more! o'well.

so i have decided on where i would be heading. talked to a few people about it, about how i felt. i really feel bad cause it felt like i am somehow somewhat being the black sheep. i know where i stand and i really want to make an effort out of it. people were pretty helpful. some even reminded me that it is not going to be easy but they would be there for me. for some odd reason, i somehow felt that this is the right choice in a wrong way.



everyday, every morning, i would make myself a litre of smoking hot green tea. then i would drink till it is lunch time. why you ask? TO SUPPRESS HUNGER! i have been auto alarmed to wake up at 7am every morning. then i would sit in front of my laptop, a) blog in effguide or b) watch my series :P

heh. life is good? i don't know >.<

Labels: emotionally unstable, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

he was leaving and that she won't be able to see him for a year. she thought she could take it. she thought she could hang on. her days starting to shatter. she was woken up by her own fear, by her own nightmare. sitting at the edge of the bed in frightful tears. decisions that has to be made. as torn as she is inside her, she decided on what is best for her and she won't change it.

uh yeah. i have nothing much to blog about today. just another day at work. oh and i baked butter cake yesterday. it was very moist and nice. not too sweet. only thing is that the boyf said it tasted much like scones. well, a very BIG scone though. the boyf wanted to buy jam for it >.<

i have a lot of things which needs to be decided at this point. i think due to much stress, i have been pretty restless at night. but still, ah. i don't know.

Labels: confused, sleepy, tired, work

KILL ME PLEASE! I AM SLEEPY AND DREADING TO COME TO WORK. I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS LATELY! HAD THIS FEELING OF WANTING TO GO HOME. i think it is caused from the unhealthy working environment.

dear lord,

SAVE ME LA!

amen.

today's mission: no Milo, no Teh Tarik, no sweet food (including sweets) and drink ONLY green tea!

Labels: sleepy, tired, work

傷感故事
sentimental story
誰真的愛聽
who really loves to listen to it?
特別那是你
especially since it is you
怎麼忍心
how can I bear to?
oh memory

多年不停逃避
endlessly running away for so many years
對你的感情一直累積
the feelings for you have been accumulating
hey dear my friend

請給我你的笑臉
please give me your gleeful face
兩個不同世界
two different worlds
路有多遠
how far is the road between?
goodbye my wonderful world

一句再見都沒留
leaving not even a word of goodbye behind
是我怕你淚流
is it because I’m afraid that your tears would fall
還是我說不出口
or that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you
goodbye my wonderful world

愛得最深的朋友
the most enamoured friend
最需要我的那時候
but when I was needed the most
卻走到了盡頭
we reached a dead end
oh memory

wheyyy!i am the first to arrive in office today! haha. usually someone would be earlier than me but today that someone is not here yet. i wonder if she is coming or not. oh, btw, that someone is from my department ;) she stays in Cheras thefore she comes to work VERY early to avoid jam and all!

sometimes i am really blessed with people around me. they are cheerful and very helpful in making my gloomy days turn into sunshine days. i really thank them a lot for playing such a role in my life!

days have been passing by SO fast. i wonder if it is a good thing. now i wish i am in July or August! HAHA! i know. i just wish it would pass faster.

that is my latest song addiction *points at the lyrics above* mainly just cause of the Canon in D part. and somehow, the lyrics is just...speechless.

Currently listening to 兩個世界 by 胡清藍

Labels: lyrics, random, ranty rant rants, tired, work

i might have always appear as someone who posses no fear but in reality, i do. my greatest fear would be the death of my loved ones. i spent almost the whole morning thinking about this. i DO value my loved ones very much. it has been a fact that in relationship (be it your family or bf/gf), we are bound to hurt one another. honestly, if anyone faces relationship that doesn't have these, i am sorry to say, prolly you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

i know i have been neglecting a particular someone a lot. as a matter of fact, i am avoiding. what happened has been such a great impact that it totally numbed me all over. words are easier said than done. the advise was that what if death falls upon, would i regret? yes i would terribly regret but i just can't bring myself to it. it not only disgust me but at the same time, it pushes me further away. so, i am pleading, please give me more time. i really need time.

to be honest, my main concern now would be my future. i have been thrown in an offer but i wanted to broaden my experiences. i don't want to stay stuck at a place. i don't know. maybe i would think about it. but still, right now i think that should not be my main priority yet.

Currently listening to Happy Up There by Röyksopp

Labels: confused, emotionally unstable, mess not, random, ranty rant rants, work

sitting on her desk, sipping at the tasteless Milo. she wonders if this is what her life would be in the future. shaking the thoughts away, she told herself that it will never happen. her life has got to be more than this! like just every other person in the world, she too has high aims.

i am such a good girl! i come to office so early ;D looking at my attandence card, i kind of feel super please with myself! never once i am late to work. had 2 days in this month which i did not come to work. one is MC cause of diarrhea and the other one i took a non-paid leave. family comes first! so yea, i am planning NOT to skip anymore for this month and next month! i want full payment for salary. although they are paying me a pittance which in reality is not enough to make a living for 2 weeks but money is money! who don't want?

EH EH?! i forgotten to bring my jacket today ;( never mind. i "stole" someone's jacket *winks winks* for some odd reason, i am in a better mood today. blame the menstrual. haha! but then, i am starting to develop a sore throat and i want to eat durian badly. rawr! someone please feed this girl here! i heard that in SS2 they got this all you can eat for RM15 and the durians are all superb (as in the bitter ones!).

oh and this morning both of my legs cramp -.- it was during my sleep. it is a sign that i am overworking my legs. awww. pity them but heck, i got no choice! so, legs oh legs, please don't blame me ;(

p/s: Milo finished so i tried the Teh Tarik. one word: EWWWWW!

Currently listening to : Fight The Bad Feeling (Ballad Ver.) by T-MAX

Labels: sleepy, tired, work

i wonder if it is just me or that the air con is cold. the place i am seating is super strategic where the air con's flap, no matter how you position it, it will still be blowing to me! this reminds me to bring my own jacket to work.

today as usual is another boring day. it is funny how i see others being busy with the DND sign on their forehead yet i am sitting here playing? haha. not exactly playing. i am just looking for things that i can do ;) guess cause i am new and i don't have much experience? i suppose so.

i asume that i am going to be pretty moodles for the first few weeks next month. partially cause the boyf is going back to Ipoh which leave me with mom and sis. no i am not complaining. it is going to be great cause well, at least my room and laundry would be well taken care of!

the other half would be, i had no idea. haha. in any case, i have been pretty moodless for the past few days. it doesn't come with any reson. it is just the way it is. plus, i realize my temper has been going pretty bad too. must do something about it.yea i know words are easier said than done.

so, what is up for next month. Akon concert on the 2nd July. i am one of the crew working on that night. then the rest of the events are pretty much tentative due to some P&C issues. also next month would mark our 3 years together ;)

Labels: emotionally unstable, lazy, mess not, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work