i am so mad that i am actually cursing upside down inside out in my heart. urgh. so i took my films to this shop (with a big Kodak signboard and it is a shared shop with locksmith. the one in the same row as RHB bank) in SS15. i carefully and strictly told her THREE TIMES that it is a double frame film and i want my films to be developed into 36 pieces instead of 72 pieces. she nodded and say ok ok ok and come back on Wednesday to get it.

i came back today AND SHE BLOODY DEVELOPED IT INTO 75 PIECES, RM51! i don't know where the 3 others came from but that is beside the point. she ignored me and i was pretty mad. the locksmith guy saw and he say he charge me 2 piece for the price of one. heh. so i paid RM21.50 and walked away. as any human with common sense, that Malay girl was frustrated cuse it is going to cost her out from her salary :p

honestly hor, i am NOT that easy to be cheated. plus plus, i was a bit furious before i went there cause the cash deposit machine rejected my RM50 notes again >.< aiyo. if it continues like this, i might not want to go bank in rent anymore -.-

Labels: disappintment, emotionally unstable, mess not, tired

荡秋千
Playing on a swing,

来回终究要停在原点
To and fro; in the end it must stop at the starting point.

望太远
Looking too far ahead,

眼前幸福却忽略
The happiness nearest to us became neglected.

晃半圈
Swinging half a round,

圆不了爱恋
The circle of love could not be completed.

高一遍低一遍
Sometimes high, sometimes low,

风就吹散了永远
The wind blew away our eternity.

还想为你摇秋千
I still wish to push the swing for you,

对着夕阳扮鬼脸
To pull faces at the setting sun.

若月光再美一点
If the moonlight became a little more beautiful,

我们会否把手牵
Would we then be holding hands?

还想被你碎碎念
I still wish to be nagged at by you,

当数流星的配乐
And treat it as the music accompaniment to shooting stars.

你却说你等不到天亮
You said that you could not wait till daylight has come,

空秋千陪整夜
An empty swing accompanied me throughout the night.

秋千和我失眠
The swing and I lost sleep together,

在你影子身边
At your shadow's side.

这公园太想念
This garden holds too much memories,

你无邪的笑脸
Of your innocent, smiling face.

she turned her head around. she sees him sitting behind and slowly she carved a smile on her lips. she felt secure. at least for that once cause she know he is always near her. the bell rang and they had to leave. as she walked away from him, she wished, very hard, that he know he is always in her heart.

he always sit behind her. watching her back makes his day. he wanted to show her how beautiful his love can be. he wanted to whisper those 3 words to her. the bell rang and they had to leave. as he walked away from her, his footsteps were getting heavier step by step. he wished, very hard, that he had the courage to tell her.



very busy few days, if you see my fb you know :) oh and i don't randomly add people i don't knowing fb and it is getting annoying day by day when people i don't know keep on adding me. seriously, don't you have friends?!

Labels: emotionally unstable, exam

biar kata-katamu didengari. adakalanya, manusia memilih untuk menjadi buta, bisu dan pekak. ini adalah jenis-jenis manusia yang enggan berdepan dengan hidup. manusia yang enggan berkata dengan sekuat-kuat hatinya yang dia sudah kalah, yang dia sudah insaf, yang dia kenali kesalahan dirinya. ini adalah manusia jahanam yang sepatutnya masuk neraka bersama manusia-manusia jahanam yang lain.

down with food poisoning ;( which makes me a VERY sad girl. vomited a lot on Thursday night. gotten better gradually on Friday. Saturday chest hurt due to the uncounted times of vomiting season. Sunday, whyyy oh whyyy! my stomach rebels on me ;( foooooood! remind me, not to eat in cafeteria ANYMORE. starve and die also, i swear i bring oat to uni and eat everyday! oat is good! oat is diet! oat is awesome pawesome! OAT IS ONE!

HAHA! feast your eyes on rolled oats!

Labels: emotionally unstable, sick

how vulnerable is one human when he is faced with the consequences of his own actions which was caused without thinking?

how rude can one human be when he shows no respect to others and yet gain none from the rest?

how uncontented is one human's little heart when she tries and worked hard for what she wanted but only to be rejected by someone who is a notch lower than her?

i ponder.

P/S: no picture :p

Labels: emotionally unstable

sometimes,we spend the whole day or probably the whole week to ponder on the mistakes that we have done or we could have done. question: does it really worth it? answer: no idea.

adakalanya saya terasa seperti telah ditipu oleh hidup. kebanyakan masa saya rasa benda itu adalah hak milik saya. saya tahu di dalam penjuru hati saya yang ia adalah hal milik saya tetapi kenapa pada saat-saat terakhir, apabila semangat saya berada di tahap yang terpuncak sekali, harapan saya musnah berkecai seperti gelas jatuh pada lantai? seringkali saya bertanya, adakah itu takdir? adakah itu yang sepatutnya berlaku? adakah hidup ini sebegitu tidak adil?

boleh kata berkemungkinan itu adalah nasib saya pada sejenak masa itu. tetapi, adakah kamu tahu apabila saya paling mahukan benda itu, apabila prestasi saya berjaya mengkagumkan saya sendiri, dan pada masa itulah harapan saya jatuh, berkecai dan musnah? jadi, apa yang kamu boleh berkata, itu adalah takdir dan semuanya bergantung pada nasib seseorang. adakah sebegitu? tidak bolehkan kita mengubah hakikat?

saya berpendapat bahawa sekiranya seseorang mahukan sesuatu dan dia buat segala yang mungkin untuk mengecapinya serta adakala dia mampu mengatasi had dirinya, itulah orang yang berhak memilik benda itu. itu adalah tuan kepunyaan benda itu sebab dia memang berusaha untuk mendapatinya. saya ada berusaha namun, pada akhirnya, ia bukan hak milik saya.

semangat saya yang berkobar-kobar pada garisan permulaan telah membuktikan pada saya yang tidak dan bukan semua benda boleh didapati walaupun awak berusaha bergila-gila. sebab adakalanya, nasib, takdir dan hidup akan menipu, merompak dan menjatuhkan semangat awak.

p/s: i knew at one point i changed the layout. sorry. i had no time to change back the old one. now it is back :)

Labels: emotionally unstable

I am 20. I have my own dream, passion and interest. No, I don’t need anyone to step on me like that. No, I don’t need any de-motivation. You can just walk away if you have nothing better to say. It doesn’t really matter; at least that’s what I think. You kill my dream. You kill my passion. You kill my interest. You kill me. No, I did not walk away. You pushed me away.

Labels: disappintment, emotionally unstable

I know you've suffered,
But I don't want you to hide,
It's cold and loveless,
I won't let you be denied

Soothing,
I'll make you feel pure,
Trust me,
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers,
That you're wicked and divine,
You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine

Please me,
Show me how it's done,
Tease me,
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

i know i hadn't been updating. final semester is crazy! too many work to be done, too many assignments piling up. i am trying hard to reduce the piles. currently i am rushing on my SWE report. urgh. honstly, must everything be in essay?!

Labels: assignments, emotionally unstable, ǝɟıl, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired

i am feeling very tired. very exhausted. i know i did nothing much. it feels like everything is draining me. i wonder what brought this feeling. i wonder if it was because of decisions that i had to make or rather it be the future that i had to decide. whichever it is, this feeling for sure i am going to get rid off soon.

so uni is starting soon. had this rather mix feeling. Human Resource Management (HRM), Hospitality and Tourism Law, Economics for the Hospitality and Tourism Industry, Tourism Research, Methodology and Statistic (Research), Intergrated Marketing Management (IMM) as well as Moral Studies. talking about Moral Studies makes me fuming mad ;( i wonder why i went through all the pain and sufferings in high school yet i have to do this again in uni! i am truly lookling forward for Law. it is going to be interesting though. IMM not much *shrugs* prolly cause i knew who is teaching >.< which causes me to dread even more!

looking at it on a brighter side, it is going to be my final semester. then i will be kicked out of the house to work my ass off. what brings next? yet to know. things changes to fast that i almost vomit. it is like how when you see stars and moon and birds chirping then maybe an angel or two. that is when you know you are going green and puking.

my days in Lagoon are long gone. i could partially say i am happy yet i am not. happy for i am no longer entangled with the messy politics happening. sad for the fact that i am leaving some really cool friends behind. well, i suppose everyone have to move on. prolly you might see be back there working. chances are 60-40. go figure which for which.

yes yes. i know i have been abandoning my blog as well as eff. heck i will be back soon. i had no idea what is my problem. i seemed to be tired most of the time. blame the weather i suppose? ah. it is getting late. hitting the sack. shall update eff tomorrow as well as this dead blog.

p/s: did i mention i had fish for my birthday present? correction : fishes. yes. and i found a dead prawn. long story. shall elaborate next time.

Labels: confused, disappintment, emotionally unstable, mess not, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired

i can't escape its grasp
the more i think, the worse it gets
i try to get away, try to lose it all
then why do i feel this way?
giving up would be so easy
but always they say
the best things in life are worth working for
why? cant something good come easy
and take away this feeling
frustration, anger, jealousy, confusion
all these happening together
what can i say? its horrible
i feel the burning in my chest
the frustration inside

i am getting more and more frustrated as days passing by. i am beginning to lose my temper like a nonstop firing machine gun. source of these? i had no idea. i wish i am superhuman sometimes. so that all worries and troubles could be solve with just a click! how i wish!

on the other hand, i have been super tremendously sleepy these few days! last night i slept while watching tv halfway! and i woke up late this morning! if not because of my stomachache, i would have continue sleeping on. anyways, i am glad it is Friday today!

i suggested for a small trip for tomorrow :) a trip to Malacca. take it as a treat for my stress as well as for my mom. i know she has been dying to do these! so, why not? haha. since i have already enjoyed myself in Ipoh with a bunch of friends, so now it is her turn!

कभी ख़ुशी कभी ग़म (Sometimes Happiness, Sometimes Sadness)
i have been keeping a lot in myself,
i wonder if i release it all one day,
what would happen?

Labels: emotionally unstable, ranty rant rants, tired, work

objections objections objections. that is the only thing i have been hearing and feeling for the past few days, correction, weeks. for once, if there is an objection to anything, would you please kindly come up with a solution for me too? right now i need no objections. i need solutions, i need a way, i need a bloody damn road. i am starting to get tired of these. i have been fighting for it and yet, no one is helping me at all. whenever i found a solution and scanned through the consequences, i realize that i have to endure all those might happens and possible future incident. to succeed in something is to endure the hardship.

i know that those objections are meant for my own good but since it has come to the state of objection, where is the solution? or what are your suggestions to fend off to my bad choice of ideas? at first i was thinking, why is everyone going against me? why can't for once they just let me be me. then it came across that the problem lies in me. i have been too picky and maybe it is right that i does not want to open to choices.

you see, i have been thinking a lot too. tons and tons of what ifs. i had no idea how tired i was. i never knew thinking was that tough and it is taking its toll on me. i am so lethargic during the day time. i spend most of my time thinking and nothing but thinking. honestly, is there anyone out there willing to think for me too?

and when things started falling apart, that is when i lost hold of faith.

Labels: emotionally unstable, ranty rant rants, tired, work

fairy tales. do they exist or it is just another bedtime story or a make believe kind of thing? fairies. does fairies really exist? or is it just that we human are so imperfect that we dream of something that make us feel so perfect? fairy godmothers. will they come if i call? do i even have one to start off with? we human make things to believe hoping that it would come true one day. are we so naive that we are so wiling to live in a world that does not exist?

if i could, i would like to live in a world that i believe in. a world where things are easy going, no stress, no backstabbing, rainbows everywhere, smiles and laughter heard all day long, a world that is so surreal that it doesn't even exist unless i try sleeping now and yeah la.

i think we are going pretty strong. though there were a lot of obstacles and challenges but we are still going strong. i am very thankful for that. on and off we would hurt each others feelings. in and out we would feel anger and sad. still, at the end of the day, we would look for each other up and down. this is what makes us so strong.

in a separate note, i have been feeling damn thankful for the past few days. people that i love and appreciate that they exist. that they are here with me. really really thankful.

hello darkness, my old friend, i've come to talk with you again because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while i was sleeping and the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.

Labels: emotionally unstable, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

yeah i know i have been a bum for not updating. when things were going at an exhilarating speed, i wished that it would be slower so i could enjoy every moment out of it. but when things decided to go at billions of notch below slow speed, i wished that it would pass by like the speed of light.

went back to Ipoh on Thursday night with a bunch of wacko friends. honestly, these people are people i am very grateful for! life is a million times better when you have friends that doesn't beat around the bush with you and tells you straight up if they find you are annoying/ irritating/ anything possible. these bunch of people are the ones that makes you feel that life is not just another roller coaster ride. they put speed bums when things are going to fast and they put nitrous oxide when things are going too slow. these people are not just any ordinary bunch of wackos you see at the side of the street. they are abnormal bunch of wackos, so much incomparable to Superman, Batman, Ultraman and Spenderman! SAPADEM!

talking about my trip back to Ipoh, i came back with a handful "souvenirs". i got nice big scratches near the ankle of my right leg, a torn sweat pants (not really torn, a hole near the knee cap more likely), a very tired body due the the lack of sleep and also fears. fears that i don't feel like mentioning. that i would rather keep it inside me.

right now, everything seemed to be moving into plan B. i fear that plan B might not even be working. i don't have a plan C. i don't even know what my plan C should be. so for now, just pray that plan B really works out or i will have to...no. i will MAKE plan B happen! no rooms for failure this time.

looking forward to 28th August. 44 more days. forty-four.

note to self - it is ok to cry once in a while. just cry for the right reason.

Labels: emotionally unstable, life, mess not, random, ranty rant rants, tired, work

so it has been 1 month since i changed department. seriously, this department is a love hate kind of thing. well anyway, been hearing news that my lecturer has been going around visiting everyone. soon it is going to be my turn. i have nothing much to say though. it is kinda fun working here but the stress level is super high!

yesterday was Jeric's last day. he is an IT intern, from SunUni also! kinda sad cause now it is like one friend missing. RAWR. but then it is also a relief that it was his last day yesterday. he has been living in hell since his internship here. well, all that i can say is that he has become more and more professional in playing hide and seek!

for the past few days, there has been many decision makings that has to be done. decisions that delaying is not a reason. some personal related and some future related. future related decision making are almost nearly done but the personal related ones are a tad bit difficult. in any case, let time take its pace.

oh did i mention that i am the first in office today? HOORAY?!

Labels: emotionally unstable, estacyly happy, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

RAWR! i am so frustrated! i am on the phone with a client. client was asking about the area and so on cause they wanted to do a showcase. then, she has to tap on my shoulder to do something that she herself can do! of course i asked her to wait! then she don't like. wthhhhhhhh. then she tapped me again (still on the phone) after that and gave me a stare. SO I STARED BACK! OI FATTY. WALK LITLE BIT CANNOT DIE ONE OK?!

Labels: emotionally unstable, work

today smells bad. opened the door and ugh! TERRIBLE! nevertheless, i rained yesterday, somewhere sometime during the night cause the floor outside was wet? haha.

the pc in my work place is slowwww and it is Pentium 4 >.< gak gak gak! old monitor and yada yada mada. no DVD Rom some more! o'well.

so i have decided on where i would be heading. talked to a few people about it, about how i felt. i really feel bad cause it felt like i am somehow somewhat being the black sheep. i know where i stand and i really want to make an effort out of it. people were pretty helpful. some even reminded me that it is not going to be easy but they would be there for me. for some odd reason, i somehow felt that this is the right choice in a wrong way.



everyday, every morning, i would make myself a litre of smoking hot green tea. then i would drink till it is lunch time. why you ask? TO SUPPRESS HUNGER! i have been auto alarmed to wake up at 7am every morning. then i would sit in front of my laptop, a) blog in effguide or b) watch my series :P

heh. life is good? i don't know >.<

Labels: emotionally unstable, random, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

i hate being in a situation where it doesn't benefit me at all (minus voluntary work!). not only that it doesn't bring me any benefit, it make me look bad at the same time. seriously and honestly, i don't want to be in your game. i have never wanted to be in it and i am not in it. so, leave me alone!

Labels: emotionally unstable, mess not

i might have always appear as someone who posses no fear but in reality, i do. my greatest fear would be the death of my loved ones. i spent almost the whole morning thinking about this. i DO value my loved ones very much. it has been a fact that in relationship (be it your family or bf/gf), we are bound to hurt one another. honestly, if anyone faces relationship that doesn't have these, i am sorry to say, prolly you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

i know i have been neglecting a particular someone a lot. as a matter of fact, i am avoiding. what happened has been such a great impact that it totally numbed me all over. words are easier said than done. the advise was that what if death falls upon, would i regret? yes i would terribly regret but i just can't bring myself to it. it not only disgust me but at the same time, it pushes me further away. so, i am pleading, please give me more time. i really need time.

to be honest, my main concern now would be my future. i have been thrown in an offer but i wanted to broaden my experiences. i don't want to stay stuck at a place. i don't know. maybe i would think about it. but still, right now i think that should not be my main priority yet.

Currently listening to Happy Up There by Röyksopp

Labels: confused, emotionally unstable, mess not, random, ranty rant rants, work

i wonder if it is just me or that the air con is cold. the place i am seating is super strategic where the air con's flap, no matter how you position it, it will still be blowing to me! this reminds me to bring my own jacket to work.

today as usual is another boring day. it is funny how i see others being busy with the DND sign on their forehead yet i am sitting here playing? haha. not exactly playing. i am just looking for things that i can do ;) guess cause i am new and i don't have much experience? i suppose so.

i asume that i am going to be pretty moodles for the first few weeks next month. partially cause the boyf is going back to Ipoh which leave me with mom and sis. no i am not complaining. it is going to be great cause well, at least my room and laundry would be well taken care of!

the other half would be, i had no idea. haha. in any case, i have been pretty moodless for the past few days. it doesn't come with any reson. it is just the way it is. plus, i realize my temper has been going pretty bad too. must do something about it.yea i know words are easier said than done.

so, what is up for next month. Akon concert on the 2nd July. i am one of the crew working on that night. then the rest of the events are pretty much tentative due to some P&C issues. also next month would mark our 3 years together ;)

Labels: emotionally unstable, lazy, mess not, ranty rant rants, sleepy, tired, work

my finals are starting tomorrow. this serves as a reminder to me what time and what subject it is. then after that it is my internship on Monday.

Monday, 20 April 2009
0900 - 1100: MICE
1400 - 1600: Cost Accounting

Tuesday, 21 April 2009
0900 - 1100: Tourism Impact Studies
1400 - 1600: International Tourism Marketing

Wednesday, 22 April 2009
1400 - 1600: Organizational Behavior

*all exams will be held in NE-3 (previously known as 7-8)*

i think i am going early tomorrow to scan around. i had no idea where is NE-3 -.-

Labels: emotionally unstable, exam, lazy, life, mess not, serious business, tired

heh. so i haven't been blogging lately. there are so many happenings! and i dare say, i am totally burnt out! if you are in my situation, you would know why.

i seriously think most girls in my college are bloody lazy dumb asses. i have VERY solid reasons to support my statement.

1. i was standing in front of the lift, in a rush *thanks to the bloody jam* to go up to the 5th floor. mind you, i am on the ground floor. there were this bunch of girls standing in front of me chit chatting. i noticed that the down indicator was pressed. without thinking much, i just press the up indicator. the lift came, and it was going down. i just stepped in with the rest of the girls. then, this was when the most outrageous incident happened! THEY ACTUALLY PRESSED DOWN TO GO TO THE LOWER GROUND FLOOR! like hello? just use the steps can or not? it is only 2 flights of steps down!

2. this time i wasn't late but then, there were a bunch of girls in front of the lift chit chatting. ok never mind. ground floor as well. so, we all went in. heh. then, this was when the most outrageous incident happened! THEY ALL PRESSED FIRST FLOOR! wtf?! just climb the bloody stairs la! it was so packed at that time! the lift was practically filled. i used to climb the stairs from ground floor till fifth floor! in my 3 inch heels also!

3. i was waiting for the lift at first floor. lift came and showed me 4 persons. there were 2 girls standing very close to the lift door and the back there was all empty. so, i walked in, expected them to walk back or something cause there was absolutely no more space for another person if they didn't move! then, this was when the most outrageous incident happened! THEY REALLY DID NOT MOVE AT ALL!

see! i do have my reasons on why i made such a statement! RAWR!

Labels: angry., emotionally unstable, mess not, sleepy, tired.